Life Work and Career

Quietly contemplating HSP-ness

I’ve been quiet for a few days. I’ve taken the signs given to me, and stepped back from things. Someone explained to me what the weekend is meant for, so I have been trying desperately to relax a little.  I am so bad at relaxing… so I ended up surfing the web a little. And then I came across an article with accompanying test. Bored as I was, I read the thing (chuckled a bit) and did the test. Result: apparently I am an HSP male (Higly Sensitive Person).

Funny

First response: I burst out laughing. Because really, I’ve been called many things in the past, but I have not been accused of being overly sensitive or empathic. More the opposite.

But then, I read on, and I became quiet. So many elements which I recognized:

Seeking silence

An HSP needs to retreat into silence every now and then. Check! As a kid, I spent entire afternoons somewhere hidden in the forest where no people would find me. Just me, and a book. And nowadays, I prefer the wilderness where I meet not a living soul above the more popular national parks where many visitors walk around. And entering nightlife is, indeed, a drain.

Crossing borders

Also, it is said that HSP are quite good at crossing their own borders. Well, what can I say…?

Looking at my career

When I look at my career, the HSP element makes sense too. Right now, I work in a very social job. I have to respond to people swiftly, need to inform them, need to keep them awake. Yes, I’ve got a pretty cool, but exhausting job.

But before, I had jobs where I just sat in my office all day working the numbers. That would be ideal for an HSP, right? And yes, it was in such setting that I could indeed deliver products. I’d even start before 8 AM, so I could get work done before collegues would arrive. Very HSP, indeed.

But, those jobs also were boring as hell. I did the stuff I had to do and then had some time to go to Facebook. Unless, of course, there was some disaster going on, then I’d work 10-11 hour days.

I am strange

So basically, I have two modi at work: I am either “on”, or I am “off”. When I am “on”, I am challenged and I work my ass of to deliver quality. I keep going until the job is done. And yes, this hurts my private life and health. But other times, I am “off”. And then I am bored brainless. This too, hurts my private life.

I need the middle road, but can’t find it.

Drawing an conclusion is easy: I need a job which has sufficient challenges to keep me from boredom, but I also need times where I can just lean back and be utterly useless. I need that middle road.

One would say that the middle road is easy to find. It’s right their between the other two. So why can’t I find it? Why am I always either in a job which is killing me, or in a boring job (or no job)?

Which job should I take next? Something with business, where I spend maybe 2 or 3 days doing solitary tasks, and the remainder interacting with others (clients and coworkers). I think I had such a job once, but then the job was axed (not me, the job in its entirety…)

Where next..?

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